I have a friend that we'll call Stretch Berlin to protect his identity. Stretch likes to frequent the local watering hole. In fact he frequents it enough that he's kind of like the Norm Peterson of this particular establishment.
Well, what is a Norm Peterson without his trusty sidekick Cliff Claven? Stretch's sidekick is Burt.
Burt recently brought home a new puppy. But has been unable to train it successfully. The locals at the bar have all been happy to offer their advice on the best training method (the behaviorists in Vet school always seemed to recommend "clicker" training). But not being a drinker I wasn't there to chime in.
Stretch reports to me that one of the regulars tired of listening to Burt whine about his dog not listening, brought in a shock collar the other night. Despite all of Burt's big talk, he is very tender hearted. He was not sure he could bring himself to deliver an electrical shock to his beloved puppy.
So with all of the wisdom that alcohol is capable of delivering in group settings, a plan was devised to test the shock collar to find out just how bad it hurts. It being Burt's dog that it might be used on, Burt wound up with the collar around his neck. Apparently this collar has ten settings. One being the lowest shock with a ten being the highest shock. Burt's plan was to start with a one shock, and if that wasn't too bad, he'd turn it up a notch and keep shocking himself until he thought it was no longer tolerable. Thus his conscience would be clean in applying the same shock to his dog.
Burt's wife was the one he trusted to operate the remote control (personally I think my wife would be the last person I'd trust with a remote control to a shock collar around my neck. Well, perhaps my mother-in-law would be lower on the list). But, I'm sure the alcohol again played a roll in this decision. As it did the decision of his wife to not start at a one but to immediately turn the remote up to ten.
Stretch tells me that when she pushed the button down, Burt shot about 8 feet out of his bar stool straight up in the air. That when he landed back on the ground he then began to twitch and convulse, while emitting a strange yellowish glow.
I'm pleased to report that the shock collar was never applied to the puppy, and that other than the occasional twitch Burt seems to have recovered fully. His wife also reports that Burt is finally fully house trained, and responds instantly to her commands to do the dishes.